Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows – Review

I didn’t last long.

Much to my credit, I made it through a lot of crud.

I made it through Tyler Perry’s worst Nutty Professor impression with that utterly distracting moustache. I made it through the over-acting of good thespians such as Stephen Amell and Laura Linney (come on guyyyssss, you are better than this.) I made it through that slow motion transformation scene where Megan Fox goes from blonde sexy scientist to valley girl as she, in the middle of a train station, changes into a mini-skirt and tied up blouse as the camera chooses to slowly pan across the flesh she now shows. I made it throw CGI pizza, spit-balls, and a hyperactive brain dripping gunk all over Shredder.

But I had to draw the line at animal penis jokes.

Yes, within this insipid attempt at movie-making there is a moment where two crooks turned animals compare the size of their dongs and congratulate each other on gaining such sizeable packages during the mutations. That was the moment the sensible side of my brain stopped and went, “enough.”


That was the moment Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows spiralled down the drain of my expectations that was already as low as possible.

The comic book franchise that nobody asked for has yet another putrid sequel that should be “delighting” audiences this half term. The movie leaps off where the prior entry finished. The turtles are still solving crimes, but within the shadows – nobody knows who they are or what they do. When master criminal Shredder escapes from prison with the help of the pulsating tentacle-clad Krang, they wind up embroiled in an intergalactic ploy to destroy New York and planet Earth. Can they defend the city once more?

Heavily laden with puerile jokes and messy action sequences, Out of the Shadows feels more like chore than an enjoyable summer flick. Director David Green attempts to rejuevinate the series but the joy is completely lost here. Turtles feels striped of the rambunctious energy that made it so famous during the nineties and the comic books beforehand. Steeped in the gritty grime that superhero movies just have o have nowadays, Out of the Shadows relies on comedy straight from an idiot’s joke book and doesn’t have the ballsy gun-ho follies to make it all acceptable. It’s all just sort of sad, really. And very, very, boring.


For the first half an hour, the movie encouraged balls of laughter from the little and grown-up audience members to the extent that I wondered what had made me such a grump that I just couldn’t enjoy the lumps of green pirouetting through New York with nun-chucks. But after a while the glee petered out into restlessness and the fun became rather arduous and dull. Frankly, the issues is that the story is so under-developed that the actors clearly had to overcompensate which is why seasoned performers raises their eyebrows in large alarm and talk then decibels higher than they should, uttering zero emotion, and little spirit.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows may appeal to its core audience but naysayers will have their displeasure confirmed: An immature, sloppy, and tedious outing for the heroes in a half-shell.


TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: OUT OF THE SHADOWS IS IN CINEMAS NOW!

Independence Day: Resurgence – “Why Are They Screaming?” Clip

Why are a lot of blockbusters drenching their cinematography in blue and green? Why is that a thing? It just takes the once cheesy and beloved action movies and makes them grimy, gritty, and – blurgh – realistic. Nobody wants that.

Here is the first clip from the upcoming space caper, it seems that may be the case. Independence Day: Resurgence is set twenty years after the events of the first film and humanity have armed themselves with the alien technology from before. Happily safe, it all goes wrong when BAMN aliens happen again.

Why are they screaming? Who knows? Maybe it’s the upcoming alien invasion. Or maybe it’s because they’ve been doused in murky colours of blue, grey, and white.


INDEPENDENCE DAY IS OUT JUNE 24th 

Wiener-Dog – Brand New Trailer!

There are some movies out there that make you sit up, grab your friends hand, and scream “Yes. Yes. We must witness this.”

They could be massive blockbuster films, taut but hilarious comedies, and Sundance indie flicks. They all capture us in such an amazingly awesome way.

Wiener-Dog is that film.

The dog based comedy drama revolves around the titular pet that links four different people together.

Starring Greta Gerwig, Kieran Culkin, Danny DeVito, Julie Delpy and more, this looks like an intriguing, fun, and epic indie flick.


WIENER-DOG HAS NO UK RELEASE DATE YET

Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? – Brand New Trailer!

Lesbians and vampires.

They seemingly go hand in hand. Seeing as the blood sucking creatures are actually a synonym for sexuality and sexual awakenings, that’s not a hard task but there seems to be a sub-sub-culture of moviedom dedicated into homosexual lady lovers.

Based on the 1996 trashy cult classic of the same name staring Tori Spelling, James Franco has remade the film but has added lesbians and vampires into the mix.

“From the twisted mind of James Franco” seems to be about right for this trashy but somehow brilliant trailer. Truly, we are jonsing for this vampire romp.

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MOTHER, MAY I SLEEP WITH DANGER? HITS LIFETIME THIS YEAR

Nasty Baby – VOD Review

There are some movies out there that you wish everyone had seen and artists you wish everyone knew. In this Hollywood obsessed film industry, one that is battered with bemoaning and complaints, you wish that you could turn people’s heads and – he he – direct them to a filmmaker burning with talent. Sebastian Silva is one such man who can command attention and admiration with his stirring extrapolations of chaotic humanity and strife filled emotion. Many film lovers would be aware of his work with Magic Magic – an investigation of selfishness and paranoia starring Michael Cera and Juno Temple, but he has crafted other pieces of work that evoke an impressive response and has had critical acclaim everywhere such as The Maid and La Vida Me Mata.

Now he returns in Nasty Baby, a film where he not only directs and writes, but also stars in LGBT drama Nasty Baby. Alongside Kristen Wiig and Tunde Adebimpe, Silva stars as one half of an interracial gay couple who are trying to have a baby. Their solution is to get their best friend Polly pregnant, a task which she is happily prepared to do. However, the trio are constantly harassed by a homophobic homeless man named The Bishop. Trying to navigate the system as well as the abuse, can the trio survive and live happily ever after?

With The Maid portraying a devastating look at social constructs within servitude and Magic Magic being an utterly compelling look at drug usage, the set up for Nasty Baby was promising but unfortunately Silva’s sixth feature film lags behind his other pieces of work. For a start, the film doesn’t have a distinct tone that you can hook into. It’s important to stress that whilst there is emotional and hallucinatory chaos within the aforementioned movies, Silva has always distinctively set a voice for our audiences to follow. Shifting and sliding through different tones here makes the movie uneasy to follow. On one hand, it’s a terrific social satire, witty and droll, and on the other it’s an important drama that looks at the intricacies of being gay in the modern era. A fantastic director would be able to pull these threads off well but Silva falls short and tangles them all together in a cinematic clump of yarn. There is no clear construct and the point of the film falls flat and uneven. All of this is enhanced by the slow, plodding pace.

What works well for the film is the performances. Despite behind let down by the direction and initial script, Silva, Wiig, and Adebimpe work hard to craft solid and emotive characters that you truly invest in. The films triumph is the visceral underbelly that toils as our characters are met with violence and adversity. Wiig is destined to be an Oscar winner and, hopefully, soon she can celebrate the spoils of her talent as she charms and devastates in this performance. Silva and Adebimpe have bouts of chemistry that the elements of struggle hits hard.


Despite all its faults, Nasty Baby still hits with some of the themes and is aesthetically pleasing – no matter how buried underneath the tone. Though the film is a difficult watch at times, Nasty Baby effervesces with a trio of spectacular actors trying desperately to bring a somewhat incoherent story together. It’s worth watching for them alone.


NASTY BABY IS OUT ON VOD NOW!
WATCH IT AT WE ARE COLONY! 

(Previously on I’m With Geek)