The Pee Ritual: What Are Your Weird Cinema Habits?

A lot of people go around and say things such as, “you never know someone until you move in with them,” or “go on holiday before you make a commitment” as some sort of gauge of personalities, stress and how they rub against each other. For me, it’s cinema trips. There are only a few that I feel entirely comfortable with going to see a film. My friends Jo, Alli, Gloria and Frankie; screening buddies Kat and Joey; my little brother and sister and Graham are just a smaller sample of a very tiny sample to begin with that I’d be happy to mosey along to the cinema with.

People have little nuances and irritations that you cannot really avoid when you are in a dark room locked in close proximity with your clothes off (it’s even worse when your nude with is why Naked Natalie is now banned from our local cinemas). There’s heavy breathers who evolve into coughers, the loud munches, the bum shufflers and the peers. They aren’t the worse. The most abhorrent being the people glued to their phones so the lights dance like a glowing nymph who’s after your attention. Or the talkers – my lord the talkers – people who can’t keep their thoughts to themselves for two hours and have to dissect their social life at crucial elements to the film.

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There are people with great habits too – ones you go over in your mind and you can’t help but smile when they do it. If Jo thinks a film is so shite – a strung together plot that is threaded out of someone’s arsehole – you can always tell as she leans against her hand and sighs. Frankie, at high points of emotion be it good or bad, will grab your hand or shoulder in an extremely passionate way. My Dad repeats the jokes straight after they’ve been said – well, after laughing so ecstatically we’re nearly thrown out.

I’m a combination of a few things. As much as I’d like to be the stoic film goer, silent and deadly until the end (deadly as in ready to kill a few hopes and dreams with my super nice reviews, winky face), I’m not a talker but I comment at times such as a phoar when a hottie to trottie comes on screen.

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I am definitely not a muncher unless there is free pizza involved or I’m rushing between gigs so have to bring my lunch. But at least I try and get it all down my gob before the film begins. I will not ever take out my phone but I will bum shuffle if I get restless and bored.

The one defining trait is my pee ritual. This may be too much information but as demand for my presence at screenings is increasing (one at a time press, one at a time), I feel I need to pre-warn any suspecting people next to me. And that means the one person next to me because my pee ritual demands an aisle seat for fear of pissing you all off as my big butt rubs against your nose. Me moving past people is disastrous, I even stood on someone recently and I do this roughly three times a week.

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What is the pee ritual? The question on your lips before I digress about my casual assault of unsuspecting members of the public. The pee ritual is something I do at every public screening without fail. It goes something like this; find seats, dump stuff, chill till adverts, go pee at adverts, watch trailers and then quickly go wee between the random EE advert and certificate (and never really know if a film contains mild threat.)

It’s a protective mind thing mainly due to the fact that I loathe missing parts of a film or breaking out of that world in order to satisfy my bladder. I’ve actually sat with a couple of glasses of wine ready to gush out because I’ve been so enthralled with the film or didn’t want to miss a moment. I’m that type of person who goes and all of a sudden the killer has been reveal in some sort of a middle of the movie twist. So I stick with it, testing my “endurance of the human bladder.”

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And if you are looking at me like some sort of weakling who cannot physically hold her wee-wees for a couple of hours, then you are absolutely right. But it has nothing to do with the feebleness of my bladder. In fact, my brain and bodily functions are in cahoots with one another. Much like my aversion to peeing on coaches, the minute I plonk myself down in a cinema seat like “aahhh yes, three hours of total toilet freedom,” they all awake and go – “well, you’ve had gallons of water and you need to excavate it now,” pressing against my mind and, indeed, my lady parts; the impending worry that I’ll miss out makes my body go into chaos. The pee ritual has been the only thing that balances this all out and has led to the immediate thing my friends do when I launch from my seat the minute Kevin Bacon comes on like I have some aversion. They just nod solemnly and whisper “the pee ritual,” accepting my quirks in cinemas will never be entirely changed.

And that is true love.

What are your weird cinema rituals?

BAFTA Film Awards 2018 – Nominations!

It’s that time of the year again where we celebrate the best in the film industry! Award season is, indeed, upon us as we  rejoice in a whole year of absolutely spectacular movies.

The BAFTAs have well and truly kicked off. First exciting bit of news is that Joanna Lumley is now our new host. As NO ONE  predicted, we’re definitely sure she is going to be INCREDIBLE!

Now onto the film nominations. The Shape of Water leads the way with 12 nominations which is exciting but the industry does not waver from their usually plans so Three Billboards, Call Me By Your Name, Get Out, and The Shape of Water all have nominations under the belt.

The biggest difference is the inclusion of God’s Own Country and Lady Macbeth who have scored some impressive nominations as well as the nod for Hugh Grant’s terribly brilliant turn in Paddington 2. As well as this is the inclusion of Film Stars Don’t Die n Liverpool! 

Here’s the full list of nominations:

Best Picture

Call Me By Your Name 
Darkest Hour 
The Shape of Water 
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri 

Best British Film

Darkest Hour 
The Death of Stalin 
God’s Own Country 
Lady Macbeth 
Paddington 2 
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri 

Best Director

Denis Villeneuve, Blade Runner 2049 
Luca Guadagnino, Call Me By Your Name
Christopher Nolan, Dunkirk 
Martin McDonagh, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri 
Guillermo Del Toro, The Shape of Water

Outstanding Debut by a British Writer, Director or Producer

The Ghoul 
I Am Not A Witch 
Kingdom of Us 
Lady Macbeth 

Best Actor 

Gary Oldman, Darkest Hour 
Timothee Chalamet, Call Me By Your Name 
Daniel Kaluuya, Get Out 
Jamie Bell, Film Stars Don’t Die in Liverpool 
Daniel Day-Lewis, Phantom Thread

Best Actress 

Annette Benning, Film Stars Don’t Die in Liverpool
Soairise Ronan, Lady Bird
Margot Robbie, I, Tonya 
Sally Hawkins, The Shape of Water 
Frances McDormand, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri 

Best Supporting Actor:

Christopher Plummer, All the Money in the World
Hugh Grant, Paddington 2
Sam Rockwell, Three Billboards Outside of Ebbing, Missouri
Willem Dafoe, The Florida Project
Woody Harrelson, Three Billboards Outside of Ebbing, Missouri

Best Supporting Actress:

Alison Janney, I, Tonya
Kristen Scott Thomas, Darkest Hour
Laurie Metcalf, Lady Bird
Lesley Manville, Phantom Thread
Octavia Spencer, Shape of Water

Best Adapted Screenplay 

Call Me By Your Name
Paddington 2
Death of Stalin
Film Stars Don’t Die in Liverpool
Molly’s Game 2

Best Original Screenplay

I Tonya
Lady Bird
Get Out
The Shape of Water
Three BIllboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Best Film Not in the English Language 

The Handmaiden
The Salesman
First They Killed My Father

Best Documentary 

City of Ghosts
I Am Not Your Negro
An Inconvenient Sequel
Jane All

Best Animated Film 

Loving Vincent 
My Life as A Courgette 

EE Rising Star Award

Tessa Thompson
Timothee Chalamet
Daniel Kaluuya
Josh O’Connor
Florence Pugh

Best Original Music 

Hans Zimmer, Benjamin Wallfisch, Blade Runner 2049
Dario Marianelli, Darkest Hour
Jonny Greenwood, Phantom Thread
Alexandre Desplat, The Shape of Water
Hans Zimmer, Dunkirk

Best Editing

Jonathon Amos, Paul Machliss, Baby Driver
Joe Walker, Blade Runner 2049
Lee Smith, Dunkirk
Sidney Wolinsky, The Shape of Water
Jon Gregory, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Best Cinematography

Roger Deakins, Blade Runner 2049 
Bruno Delbonnel, Darkest Hour 
Hoyte von Hoytema, Dunkirk 
Dan Laustsen, The Shape of Water 
Ben Davis, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Best Production Design 

Sarah Greenwood, Katie Spencer, Beauty and the Beast 
Jacqueline Durran, Darkest Hour 
Jennifer Johnson, I Tonya
Mark Bridges, Phantom Thread 
Luis Sequeira, The Shape of Water

Make Up & Hair

Donald Mowat, Kerry Warn, Blade Runner 2049
David Malinowski, Ivana Primorac, Lucy Sibbick, Kazuhiro Tsuji, Darkest Hour
Deborah La Mia Denaver, Adruitha Lee, I Tonya
Daniel Phillips, Victoria & Abdul
Naomi Bakstadd, Robert A Pandini , Arjen Tuiten, Wonder


Tim Cavagin, Mary H. Ellis, Julian Slater, Baby Driver 
Ron Bartlett, Doug Hemphill, Mark Mangini, Mac Ruth, Blade Runner 2049
Richard King, Gregg Landdaker, Gary A Rizzo, Mark Weingarten, Dunkirk 
Christian Cooke, Glen Gauthier, Nathan Robitaille, Brad Zoern, The Shape of Water 
Ren Klyce, David Parker, Michael Semanick, Stuart Wilson, Matthew Wood, Star Wars: The Last Jedi 

Special Visual Effects 

Gerd Nefzer, John Nelson, Blade Runner 2049 
Scott Fisher, Andrew Jackson, Dunkirk, 
Dennis Berardi, Trey Harrell, Kevin Scott, The Shape of Water 
Star Wars: The Last Jedi 
War For The Planet of the Apes,

Best Short Animation 

Have Heart
Poles Apart

Best Short Film 

Cowboy Dave
A Drowning Man
Wren Boys

The BAFTAs are announced 18th February.
What do you think?