Tag Archives: Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them

Colin Farrell – 4 Great Performances… & 1 Naff One

Right, let’s be real here: You saw Colin Farrell’s one naff performance and snorted going “oh yeah but which one?” Because he has had some really shaky choices that were not indicative of who he is as a performer.

In fact, I totally think that Farrell would do the same. But nowadays, the Irish actor has pulled himself up by the britches and now is an asset to a film. His work has consistently propelled upwards, with intensity and skill. A large part of this is to do with the projects he has been given as well as the directors he has worked with. With this combination and his natural talent, Farrell has brilliant

But yes, we had to pick one naff performance still…

One Naff

Daredevil (2003)

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…And naturally, we’ve gone for Bullseye in Daredevil. Sure, we could have gone for Fright Night, Total RecallA New York Winter’s Tale, and more. But there is something very gleefully bad about this villainous role. Daredevil, particularly the original cut of the film, is pretty bad as a whole with choppy editing and a bewildering plot. Colin Farrell’s bald-headed dart player who is really, really good with his aim was farcical, non-menacing, and ultimately completely missed its target. Which is ironic, come to think about it.

Four Great

In Bruges (2008)

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I could happily watch Colin Farrell in Martin McDonagh’s film every day for the rest of my life. That would be a good life, wouldn’t It? The film revolves around two hitman who are sent to Belgium for what one assume is temporary exile after royally fucking up. His partner, however, has other orders. Starring opposite Brendon Gleeson, this wickedly smart and deeply dark film gives Farrell the material to be in his element. Witty, hilarious, and very fucking smartly done, Farrell is genius in this role and it even earned him a Golden Globe!

Horrible Bosses  (2011)

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Much like Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder, Farrell did something great – he made himself ugly. Transforming into the sleazy and mean, but ultimately unforgettable Bobby Pelitt, Farrell hammed up this brilliantly bad boss who fired people for being fat or tried to hit on the “hot” women in the office. While Horrible Bosses may have its faults, Colin Farrell isn’t one of them and his work here should be celebrated more.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016)

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Ahem. Apologies, but this is exactly what I am screaming ever since, SPOILER, Grindelwald’s façade as Percival Graves revealed him to be a bleached blonde Johnny Depp. Yeah. No. We’d spent the whole film absolutely adoring the Irish actor’s villainous role as Graves as he manipulated his way through wizarding New York in pursuit of Newt (alternative title?) His glower was menacing and seductive at the same time – it was brilliant. When he was forced to reveal himself, I’d happily accept Colin Farrell as Grindelwald. But alas, that wasn’t to be.

The Lobster  (2015)

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That being said, his work in Yorgos Lonthimos’ is by far the most unusual and most compelling work he has ever done. The surreal dystopian film revolves around a world where you have to be married. If you aren’t, you’ll get turned into an animal. Presenting love in its cruellest of forms, The Lobster is a deeply disturbing but fantastic work. As the leading man , his wide-eyed, hopeless portrayal, carries an undercurrent of sorrow throughout. There are truly horrible moments that Farrell handles with depth and intricacy and an incomparable earnestness.

Honourable Mentions: The Beguiled and Seven Psychopaths 

The Killing of a Sacred Deer is out now! 

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them in Other Films

Ah, the joy of a Magizoological trip through the world of Harry Potter! Is there a more simple pleasure that can be attained that doesn’t involve the use of illicit substances and/or a trip to the local insane asylum, when people refuse to believe your wild ramblings about the horde of Leprechauns that are marching on London to steal our gold and destroy our rainbows (The lawyers told me I shouldn’t be informing you of this, to prevent the unnecessary spread of fear, but I know that you can handle this, dear reader. And you must be prepared!)

Regardless of the oncoming Emerald Swarm, there are plenty of other Fantastic Beasts out there to sink your teeth into* and they’re all to be found within the numerous films of Harry Potter. But what if (hypothetically speaking) you can’t watch those wonderful films due to a pathological, Freudian fear of the phallic shape of wands and how they are held? Well, my friend, first of all it would seem that you are currently dealing with some very curious problems, and I would suggest you seek professional help instead of looking to a rambling introduction to an article which appears to rapidly losing its focus, and secondly, you should read our handy-dandy guide on where to find all the mythical creatures of the Harry Potter universe in other films with nary a wand in sight! (And just like that, we’re back on topic.)

*Our Lawyers have informed us that you should not sink your teeth into many of the creatures on this list. Especially dragons. Please do not try and bite any dragons.

All creatures in this list have been taken from the Harry Potter Wiki, if I haven’t included one of your favourites

Acromantula – Eight-Legged Freaks

giant-spider-attackAlso known as the arachnophobic’s worst nightmare, the Acromantula are gigantic spiders that first appeared in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets as part of the trail of breadcrumbs for Harry and Ron to discover the true meaning of controlling a giant snake (in what I assume is a metaphor for puberty.) They’re certainly not for everyone, but if large arachnids are your bag, then look no further than Eight-Legged Freaks for a chilling look at what would inevitably have been dubbed the “Spider-pocalypse” had it been released today (N.B. Spider-pocalypse is now my screenplay about a world overrun by spiders of varying size and the remainders of humanity forced to live in anti-web bunkers to survive. I’m expecting a call from SyFy any day now.)

The unique combination of comedy and abject terror you’re sure to feel throughout the film will help remind you of Harry and Ron’s wild adventure and subsequent joyride through the Forbidden Forest.

Basilisk – Basilisk: The Serpent King

Staying within the second book/film of the series, we now take a look at the main antagonist of the book. Despite remaining hidden for the majority of the plot, this humongous snake arrives at the denouement where the main character grapples with it over the life of his future love interest (once again, this book is all about coming of age in more ways than one. No wonder some of the more conservative folks were up in arms!)

Regardless, if the idea of a twelve year old boy getting hot under the collar around a red-head makes you uncomfortable (and well it should!) you can take your mind off the events by watching Basilisk: The Serpent King. Full disclosure, I haven’t seen this film, and can’t possibly comment on the entirety of what happens, but after watching the special effects of people getting turned to stone, I believe I can safely say that you’ll be longing for those heavy-handed adolescence metaphors like a cool drink on a hot day.

Centaurs – Fantasia (The Pastoral Symphony)

fantasia-disneyscreencaps-com-5867-1Moving away from sex for a while to Centaurs (Shhhhhhhhhhh. We won’t talk about their perversity here.) These creatures are often viewed as elegant, powerful and at one with nature; they truly are the woman’s equivalent of mermaids for men. (Sorry. That one just slipped in there.) In order to display their grace, it’s best to watch them from a time when cinema was just beginning to find its feet and animation was in its infancy. I am of course talking about Walt Disney’s Fantasia, more specifically, Beethoven’s Pastoral Symphony. The soothing strings combines with the gentle, romantic nature of the centaur’s courtship, creating a rather harmonious vignette.

You can also use it as a palate cleanser if the previous two entries have made you a little riled up!

Dragons – Far too many films to count!

04Dragons are the bread and butter of the fantasy realms. It’s almost impossible to throw a stone in a setting with magic and monsters and not hit a dragon (a very unwise choice, as the dragon will now most likely want to eat you.) Fortunately, not all dragons are bad and there are plenty of choices to make, should you want to view the scaled beasts.

If you want dragons who are paragons of their kind, you would do well to look towards films such as Dragonheart, How to Train Your Dragon, and The Neverending Story. The positive relationship between human and dragon will help to consolidatethe childlike wonder of these magnificent beasts.

However, if you wish to take a look at the darker aspects of the draconic nature, you may wish to set your sights on Reign of Fire, The Hobbit Trilogy and The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad. These malevolent dragonsdo little more than lay waste to settlements and kill off some of the cockier characters before being brought down by their own hubris, or some sort of cunning plan by the humans.

Of course, if you’d rather your dragons in a more serial nature, look no further than Game of Thrones. The children of the Khaleesi, these beasts are loyal to their mother and are more than capable of taking on small armies. In fact, the CGI is so good that you’ll almost forget some of the nudity that is in the show! (Dammit, I was so close to not making a sex reference in this section.)

Mermaids – Splash


As previously mentioned, Mermaids are a male fantasy made flesh (or is that flesh and scales?). But we’re not here to discuss the forbidden lust that takes a man when he stares too long into the ocean with naught but the terrible loneliness to comfort him and a map to the local aquarium… I feel I’ve lost my train of thought again.

It’s far too obvious to pick the Disney classic of The Little Mermaid to get your mer-person fix. Instead, I shall plump for Splash. The 1984 romantic comedy featuring Tom Hanks and Darryl Hannah is a unique take on the aquatic/human relations genre (an admittedly small pool of reference) and manages to pull it off charmingly.

Trolls – Troll 2

The term troll can be somewhat nebulous in its definition. To some it conjures up images of great, hulking, moronic brutes who carry tree branches around as crude clubs. To others, they are somewhat more benign, showing great intelligence, at least when they are cool enough for their brains to work.

Much like dragons, there are plenty of trolls in the realms of fantasy, but instead of giving you a list of films to watch, I shall just point you in the direction of Troll 2. Why, I hear you ask? Because if you’re a fan of films, you’ll already know why, and if you aren’t… Well, let’s just say you’re in for a treat.

Leprechaun – The Leprechaun Series


As I mentioned in the introduction to this article, the Little Green Men are coming! If we are to survive this onslaught it is important that you familiarise yourself with the enemy. You must eat what he eats, drink what he drinks, and most importantly, embezzle all the gold you can find at the end of the rainbow in order to cripple them financially.

Fortunately, filmmakers have been giving us warnings of this uprising since 1993, and we now have a rich library of documentaries that detail the inner mind of the Emerald Scourge. I am of course talking about The Leprechaun series of films which gives us a variety of tactics for dealing with the small buggers in a number of different scenarios, including defending the inner cities and our space stations (just in case they stow away on a rocket to the ISS.)

If we don’t prepare for this attack, we’ll be doomed to work in the gold mines to fill their crocks. The government have ignored my warnings for too long, and I fear it may be too late. Or maybe they’ve been indoctrinated already… which means they’ll know where I am.

It is too late for me now, comrade, but not for you. You must spread the knowledge and build the resistance. The Irish will help you, they have fought them before and their knowledge of the shillelagh may just turn the tide in the upcoming struggle.

Good luck.

Editor’s note: Graham went missing shortly after this article was written, his house was found ransacked and painted green with shamrocks littered about the place. The police chalked this up to rowdy teens and closed the case as a missing persons incident.

Occasionally, there have been rumours of a man wielding shillelagh and screaming at thin air. If you see anyone matching that description, please let us know. He may need our help.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them – Review

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them has, perhaps, the loftiest bar to reach when it comes to blockbusters this year. Not only has it got to appease an already rabid fan base (myself included) but it has to establish a whole new era with bright-eyed new characters in place of old favourites. On top of this, with five more films already announced, the movie has to sew seeds of narrative, sprinkled within the wonder, that can bloom into an epic series. It’s exhausting just thinking about the hoops that the brand new movie would have to jump through but in J.K. Rowling we trust.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them revolves around Newt Scamander as he brings live creatures to New York and promptly loses them. Welp! With an America more secretive about their magical ways, it’s a race against time to find them again. Unfortunately, an unwitting No-Maj named Jacob infiltrates Newt’s life alongside auror Porpentina. It’s a race against time before wizards are exposed, can they collect all the beasts?

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In many ways, Harry Potter alumni director David Yates and Rowling deliver. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is a fantastical romp that seizes you from the beginning and immerses you back into the Wizarding World once more. With colourful and adorable creatures that populate the screen and magic returning to our little palpable hearts beating furiously in excitement, Fantastic Beasts is an enchanting and spectacular imaginative feast. The phenomenal CGI titular creatures that rampage across this roaring 20’s era is a gift to your wildest and most creative dreams.

As Scamander, Eddie Redmayne embodies his usual offense of awkward charm that isn’t quite a triumphant hero but he doesn’t need to be. He is a massive loveable rogue who just wants to protect different species. He’s the wizarding equivalent of Dr. Dolittle and an instantly invigorating character that, helped by Redmayne’s Academy Award winning talent, whisks you into this journey.

Katherine Waterston and Colin Farrell play notable and great characters but Dan Fogler’s No-Maj (Muggle) Jacob is really the standout character. For a supposedly secondary character, Foglersteals every scene he is in with a whimsical naturalism and great comedic timing. He is endearing yet rambunctious, brave yet sweet, and is the pure affectionate reflection of our childhood reverie. Fogler is just splendid here.

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There are just a few quibbles (and no, they aren’t magical creatures.) When you cast a truly superb actor such as Ezra Miller who can develop any character with an engaging charisma, you don’t give him a character so underused in the plot . Miller is great but Credence is not, and one hopes he isn’t just wasted in the mix here.

Added to this is the usual set-up tedium that over-stretches the plot trying desperately to ease you in by throwing so much at you. There’s just that ache of too much going on that winds up being somewhat tedious in places.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is an entertaining romp, nonetheless, and you’ll be swept up in sensational elements and riveting characters who’ll hopefully will get more screen time and development over the course of the series. With a foundation as great as this, the upcoming saga will be truly stupendous.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is out 18th November! 

Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them – Olympics Trailer

There is brand new Harry Potter stuff in the world and we couldn’t be more excited! With Harry Potter and the Cursed Child wowing the West End and this dozy of a film on its way, we’re scrabbling for our wands and robes as we enter the Wizarding World once more.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them revolves around Newt Scamander as he brings live creatures to New York and promptly uses them. Welp! With an America more secretive about their magical ways, it’s a race against time to find them.

Though there is barely anything new in this “Olympics” trailer, it’s still pretty exciting. Guys, there is brand new Harry Potter things in the world and we couldn’t be more excited!

Did we already say that?



Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them – NOW ON SALE!

Hold on to your hippogriffs, grab a grindylow and dance with some doxies (although we wouldn’t recommend that last one) we have some exciting news on Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them!

If you are a true HP fan you are probably well aware that today is exactly one hundred days until the film’s release. The alarm on my phone is set to play Hedwig’s theme that day! But did you know that Warner Bros is clearly just as excited as we are and can’t wait another SECOND to release tickets?

That’s right, as from today you will be able to book your tickets to see Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them at cinemas across the UK. Accio my credit card!

I know you have probably stopped reading this now in favour of being one of the first to book tickets. Good. I respect that. You are probably the same people who were ahead of me in the queue when the last book came out.

Just remember when you are frantically trying to select your seats….I already booked mine and I got the centre ones.

HA, who’s ahead now????

BOOK YOUR TICKETS NOW: http://po.st/BeastsTickets